I started this blog post several years ago, after just having Ellery. After reading today's news it seemed even more relevant to me as I process my feelings and emotions and think of all those affected and the devastation that has been dealt to so many today. I guess its seems like an odd post to start with, since I have just "revived" this blog, but I just feel compelled to share my thoughts.
When I was pregnant with Ellery and bemoaning the fact that I couldn't wait for her to be here, one of the guys in our small group (who has no kids incidentally, but has worked with them for the majority of his life) said something that has been stuck in my mind since. He looked me straight in the eye and said "Enjoy this time, because as soon as she's here you just begin the process of letting go and completely trusting God with her life". I knew in concept he was right, and in the same vein I had previously heard the Elizabeth Stone quote "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Too often though, I don't think about this fact. We have built a comfortable home and routine, we protect our girls, surrounding them with people who love and care for them and assuring that their every need is met and attended to. Too often I forget that their health, their life, their presence in our lives is all a blessing from God, part of his ordained plan. The scary part of that is that I don't know the rest of his plan. He may call my children home sooner than I would hope, they may suffer serious ailments or disabilities, they may be traumatized by the actions of others. I am not in control. I say it aloud and yet still I am not sure that I believe it. Not until days like today. Days where you turn on the TV to realize that today twenty something (maybe more) families sent their children off to school, to learn, to develop, to be loved on, and tonight they mourn their lives. Days where you read a blog of a friend of a friend who just found out that her three year old has a massive, malignant brain tumor. Days where you realize that these kids are not your own. We can do everything in our power to treasure the blessing that God has given us, to lift them up, to honor God with them, but we cannot assure their future (in the same ways we cannot assure our own). We cannot stop their struggles and hurts, we cannot will things to be any different than they are. Days like today just strengthen my resolve that I need to continuously be lifting the lives of my children up to God. I need to be honoring him in all that we do, I need to assure that my children feel the peace and overwhelming love that comes from a relationship with Christ. I need to model the belief that perfect love casts out fear. That by loving God and others as Christ loved us we shouldn't be afraid of what we wake up to every day. We cannot live paralyzed by the actions of others and the doubts that they force upon us. We cannot let actions like today stop us from allowing our children to be children. We just have to remember that they are not our own. That every day each of us has on this earth is a gift and that we should be treating it as such.
So I challenge myself to not only hug my kids a little tighter today, but every day. To be intentional and aware as a parent. To allow my life to reflect the priorities that exist in my head, but aren't proven by practice. And above all else to teach my children to love; love God, love others, love themselves.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. - John 1:5
When I was pregnant with Ellery and bemoaning the fact that I couldn't wait for her to be here, one of the guys in our small group (who has no kids incidentally, but has worked with them for the majority of his life) said something that has been stuck in my mind since. He looked me straight in the eye and said "Enjoy this time, because as soon as she's here you just begin the process of letting go and completely trusting God with her life". I knew in concept he was right, and in the same vein I had previously heard the Elizabeth Stone quote "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Too often though, I don't think about this fact. We have built a comfortable home and routine, we protect our girls, surrounding them with people who love and care for them and assuring that their every need is met and attended to. Too often I forget that their health, their life, their presence in our lives is all a blessing from God, part of his ordained plan. The scary part of that is that I don't know the rest of his plan. He may call my children home sooner than I would hope, they may suffer serious ailments or disabilities, they may be traumatized by the actions of others. I am not in control. I say it aloud and yet still I am not sure that I believe it. Not until days like today. Days where you turn on the TV to realize that today twenty something (maybe more) families sent their children off to school, to learn, to develop, to be loved on, and tonight they mourn their lives. Days where you read a blog of a friend of a friend who just found out that her three year old has a massive, malignant brain tumor. Days where you realize that these kids are not your own. We can do everything in our power to treasure the blessing that God has given us, to lift them up, to honor God with them, but we cannot assure their future (in the same ways we cannot assure our own). We cannot stop their struggles and hurts, we cannot will things to be any different than they are. Days like today just strengthen my resolve that I need to continuously be lifting the lives of my children up to God. I need to be honoring him in all that we do, I need to assure that my children feel the peace and overwhelming love that comes from a relationship with Christ. I need to model the belief that perfect love casts out fear. That by loving God and others as Christ loved us we shouldn't be afraid of what we wake up to every day. We cannot live paralyzed by the actions of others and the doubts that they force upon us. We cannot let actions like today stop us from allowing our children to be children. We just have to remember that they are not our own. That every day each of us has on this earth is a gift and that we should be treating it as such.
So I challenge myself to not only hug my kids a little tighter today, but every day. To be intentional and aware as a parent. To allow my life to reflect the priorities that exist in my head, but aren't proven by practice. And above all else to teach my children to love; love God, love others, love themselves.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. - John 1:5
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